Yeast Isn't Just for Baking Bread

When I think of yeast I think of baking bread.  The smell as it rises warms a person's soul.  Yeast can also make most women cringe in the form of a nasty infection in the nether regions.  One thing I never expected was to strip down to get in the shower and smell a bakery.  Yep.  I smell like bread.  Why?  I have yeast infections underneath both of my breasts, between my fat rolls, in the crevices of both of my legs, and even in my belly button.  All I can say is fan-freakin'-tastic!  Now I have to battle the fat people smell and the bread smell.  Oh, the fabulous trials of a fat woman. 

In an earlier post I mentioned going to Mexico for a gastric bypass.  I have been doing a lot of research and I think I'm leaning more towards a gastric sleeve.  There are several companies out there that do medical tourism.  It's where they help people, like me, whose insurance won't cover certain surgeries find affordable prices in other countries.  The higher end ones make sure their surgeons are internationally certified and their facilities are top of the line.  Hmmmm....

Serious Anxiety

Last night was wretched.  I just knew that if I fell asleep I wasn’t going to wake up.  My mind raced over the fact that because I’m morbidly obese chances of my having a heart attack are HUGE especially since I have a family history of heart disease.  The idea of my kids waking up to a dead mommy seriously stressed me out.  That anxiety turned into a minor attack which felt like a heart attack which fed my worries. 

You would think worrying so much over my weight would kick start my not-so-tiny hiney into gear, but it doesn’t.  I’ll do great for a couple of weeks.  I record what I eat and stay within a certain calorie range.  I exercise every morning.  Then, one day, I’ll sleep in or I’ll splurge on some high fat high calorie treat and I’m off the wagon.  Every time I fall off the wagon it’s harder to get back on because I put on 10-15 pounds while I’m off.  What is wrong with me?  I just want to be healthy.  I don’t want to worry about dying before my 2 year old remembers me.  I want to be there when my daughter graduates college.  It’s not going to happen if I stay the weight I am.  I will die early.  Ugh.

My aunt and baby sister both think I should get a gastric bypass.  I would love to get a surgery to help.  The problem is they are EXPENSIVE.  I don’t have that kind of money and if I did there are a lot of other things I need before I need weight loss surgery.  A friend of mine got her tubes untied in Mexico.  Maybe I should look into what the surgery would cost there.  Then maybe I could afford it.  I just don’t know what to do.  Diet and exercise seem like the perfect solution, but when you’re 150 pound overweight dieting feels like depriving yourself which causes some serious mental issues and exercise hurts and makes you sick. 

Any ideas?

Chocolate...it's good for me, right?!

Everyone has different ways for dealing with stress.  My dad rides his bike.  I eat chocolate.  I wonder if that’s why he’s 9 inches taller than I am and 90 pounds lighter….naw….that can’t be it.

Anyway, there is just something about eating a bar of chocolate that makes me feel better.  At least it does temporarily.  Once the initial euphoria wears off there’s the feelings of guilt that take its place because I have once again added unneeded calories to my hips.  I know that somewhere I read that chocolate is good for me.  If it is, then why is it eating a pound of it can make me put on so much weight?

To answer my own question I did some research.  Here’s what I found:

Chocolate has quite a few benefits.  In fact, dark chocolate has almost eight times the antioxidants that strawberries have and has a lot of the health benefits that dark vegetables have.  (Please note that all benefits come from eating dark chocolate.  The milk in milk chocolate inhibits the body’s ability to absorb all of the antioxidants and other good stuff the chocolate has to offer.)

Chocolate’s benefits:

1. It can help fight the signs of aging.
2. It can reduce blood pressure for those suffering from high blood pressure.
3. It can reduce LDL cholesterol (bad cholesterol) by up to 10%.
4. It stimulates endorphin production, which gives a feeling of pleasure.
5. It contains serotonin, which acts as an antidepressant.
6. It contains theobromine, caffeine, and other substances which are all stimulants.

Nice, right?!  It’s no wonder when I’m stressed chocolate helps!!  The problem I have is I consume too much of it and the wrong kind.  I usually pick up milk chocolate and eat A LOT of it.  According to studies, the maximum dark chocolate a person should eat per day is 3.5 ounces.  That’s a lot less than the pound I like in my diet.  It’s also very important that the chocolate be dark.  Chocolate has a lot of fat and calories in it, and although they might not be the type to impact your cholesterol, they can still impact your waistline.

So, if you’re like me and just need a little bit of chocolate to deal with the little surprises life throws at you, reach for a small 3.5 ounce of dark chocolate.  Savor it.  Then get back on the horse and face what life throws you head on.  Good luck!  I know I need it.

Portion Sizes

Did you know that a cereal bowl will actually hold almost 3 servings of Special K?  It will.  When my weight loss is going well I measure everything.  Lately, I haven't been.  As I filled my cereal bowl I realized I was actually getting a lot more than when I measure it out, so I decided to measure exactly how much more I was getting.  It turned out I was getting A LOT more.  In fact, I was getting almost three times more.  Wow!  Plus, because I'm not measuring my milk, I'm getting more milk, and I usually refill my bowl with enough cereal to use up all of my milk, too.  Who wants to waste milk, right? 

Serving sizes are all bigger now than they used to be.  That's true in restaurants as well as fast food places.  It's no wonder Americans are such chunk-a-monks.  We be hungry!!  Plus, if they give us all that food it would be rude not to eat it all.

The excuses we give ourselves for why we do things is amazing to me.  One of my favorites is how Marilyn Monroe was a size 14, so big women have always been sexy.  HELLO!!  Sizes have changed over the years.  A size 14 in her day would be closer to a size 7 today.  She was far from being a "big" woman.  She was curvy, yes, but she wasn't big. 

That's what I want to be...a curvy size 7 or 10.  I would definitely be happy a curvy size 10.

Maybe I should try out for the Biggest Loser on NBC.  Having a trainer push me and a $250,000 prize dangled in front of me might be the motivation I need to finally achieve my goals.  Hmmm...

The Battle Continues

During a war the wisdom of a military's leaders, the perseverance of the troops, and luck all play into who comes out victorious at the end of each battle.  The battle of the bulge is no different.  Each day is a battle, and each one is fought against ourselves. 

In the beginning, I was pretty even kiltered.  I won some and I lost some.  Recently, I have lost more than I have won.  In order to change the outcome I need to restrategize.  The wisdom I have.  Eating healthy and within a certain given calorie intake is a must.  Exercising vigorously at least 20 minutes everyday is a must.  Knowing is half the battle.  Right?  Wrong.  Knowing is simply preparing for the battle.  The battle begins when the decision is made to get up and do something about my weight. 

For the last couple of weeks I haven't even bothered.  I've simply ignored my body's protests to being so heavy.  Now, I need to make the first steps back into getting healthy.  Every night I worry I'll die of a heart attack in my sleep and my kids will wake up to a dead mommy.  That is my worst fear.  To conquer it I need to wage war with myself.  I need to be the woman I know I can.  So...the strategy...I don't have one yet, but I'm working on it.  I'll let you know once I have any idea how to lose the weight.  What I've done so far obviously hasn't worked, so I need something else.  Hmmm...any ideas?

Bike Riding in the Rain

Bike riding is one of the few physical activities I actually enjoy.  It's a little more of a challenge here, in Oklahoma, because there are A LOT of hills whereas in California the areas I rode were mostly flat.  Still, both of my kids love it.  My two year old son loves getting on his "hat" (helmet) to ride his "bike-cycle."  He actually sits in a seat on the back of my bike, but he refers to it as his.  That's fine by me.

Today my daughter and her friend asked if we could ride bikes to the park and play.  I figured why not, so we helmeted up and headed out.  Once we were on the road I had serious doubts if I could make it or not.  The hills seemed a lot steeper than the last time we rode.  Then again, the last time we rode that far was over six months ago and I was thirty pounds lighter.  It's amazing how much difference 30 pounds can make!!  I did make it.  Yay me!

No sooner did we get off our bikes and head to the swings than the sky darkened up and the heavens let loose with gumball sized rain drops.  We were all laughing as we got back on our bikes and headed home.  The rain was a powerful motivator when it comes to speed.  The trip home took a lot less time than the trip there.  Plus, we were laughing the whole way getting soaked!  Now, we're enjoying some hot chocolate while we play Blokus (if you've never played it is a must have).

Bike riding in the rain made me realize something.  I don't hate all exercise.  It's only exercise I view as a workout I detest.  Hmmm...I wonder if it's possible to lose weight and enjoy doing it?

Looking Greasy: A Fat Person's Image

Baby powder is my best friend.  After I shower I put it in every crevice I can think of.  I do the same thing anytime I get dressed.  It's not that I want to smell like powder.  It's that I don't want to smell like a fat person.  Yes, fat has a smell.  I'm sure each one of us at some point has been in close proximity to someone grossly overweight who smells fat.  The smell is unique, a blend of grease, dirty hair, and body odor.

The fat smell is a constant battle.  One I’m not about to lose.  My pants might not fit.  My chins might have eaten my neck.  My belly button might no longer be visible.  I might hate all of those things, but they will not be excuses to allow the fat smell to become a part of me.

Another fantastic appearance killer us chunky monkeys have to deal with is the grease effect.  The stuff oozes from our pores.  Many women try to get around it by layering on foundation and face powder.  This can sometimes work.  Other times it backfires and they end up with their make-up caked on top of the grease which makes the grease stand out more.  My forehead, nose, and chin are the grease traps on my face.  During the day I am constantly wiping my face with a paper towel or a Kleenex.  It’s not sweat I’m battling…it’s grease oozing from my pores.  The fatter I get, the nastier it gets.  Before I joined the morbidly obese, I was a sweater.  It’s what I attributed my amazing skin to.  I figured the sweat kept the impurities out of my skin.  Now that my pores drip grease instead of sweat my skin is yucky.  I have constant breakouts and blackheads make regular appearances on my nose.  It’s great!!

My hair is a different story.  Whereas many triple extra medium individuals have grease locks, I usually do not.  I could go three days without washing my hair before it began looking grody.  I know people, though, who can barely make it through the day without having to wash it again.  I don’t know why that is.  Maybe it’s body chemistry.

Whatever the reasons behind the fat smell, the grease ooze, and the nappy hair, it’s imperative as a large woman to do what I can to counteract the effects until I do something about the cause (my excess body fat).

Johnson’s baby powder, Degree for women, and astringent wipes are my weapons in the battle against the stereotypical fat person’s image!!

Stressed vs. Depressed

The Webster’s New World Dictionary 1990 (yes, it’s a printed dictionary instead of an online one…laugh if you want to, but I like using an old school dictionary) provides the following definitions:

stress:  3a) mental or physical tension

depress:  2) to sadden; deject

Using these two definitions it makes sense that if people are under a lot of stress, then that stress will eventually lead to becoming depressed.  I have been suffering from both recently.

Why?  Well, let’s recap my last year.  I moved to Oklahoma.  It was a great decision I don’t regret.  My children are thriving and they are growing up knowing relatives they may never have met otherwise.  I was unable to find a teaching job, so I’ve been substitute teaching.  It’s been a great experience, but I can barely afford to pay my bills.  Plus, today was my last day of work.  I’ve applied to over a dozen places for a summer job, but I have yet to get a call for an interview.  Next school year is also up in the air since I have yet to secure a teaching job.  I’m also lonely.  My daughter has made numerous friends, but I have yet to make one.  Not having anyone near me is hard.  I have my aunts and my grandma, but that’s not the same as having a friend.  I also sold my truck and bought a car.  My truck had some issues, like having to get out the passenger side Dukes of Hazard style, but its engine and air conditioning worked great.  My car is a piece of crap.  I’ve replaced its pulley system, it alternator, and had to fork over a big chunk of money to get the a/c fixed.  It ran fine for about a month.  Now it’s making horrible noises again and the a/c no longer works.  What else?  Oh, yeah, my garbage disposal died tonight while I was cleaning the kitchen.  Fabulous, right?!

Last, but definitely not least…I have put on a good 50 pounds since I moved here.  Yep, fifty pounds in twelve months.

So….the stresses in my life…1) no job for the summer = no way to pay my bills in July or August, 2) no job for next school year = no way to pay my bills starting in September, 3) no friends = crushing loneliness, 4) my car sucks, 5) other little issues that keep popping up like the garbage disposal, and 6) weight gain = none of my clothes fit, I hate looking in the mirror, etc.

Yikes.  That’s a long list.  It’s not as bad as I thought it was, though, and it could be a lot worse, so I guess I shouldn’t get depressed.  The problem is no matter how I rationalize it, depression isn’t always rational.  Little stresses add up quickly.  When I get stressed out I eat.  When I eat a lot I start feeling lousy.  When I start feeling lousy I quit caring about exercising.  Then I gain weight which adds to my stress level.  Pretty soon every little thing piles up to the point I’m in a downward tailspin where I just want to crawl under the covers and ignore the world. 

Unfortunately, I can’t hide.  I have to take care of my children.  They’re the only thing holding me together. 

I need to find a way to battle my boughts of sadness.  I need to find a way to get myself back into the habits that will lead to a healthier me.  It’s hard to do that when I have no motivation whatsoever.  My dad telling me my weight will kill me doesn’t motivate me. My pants not fitting doesn’t motivate me.  I don’t know what would.  I HATE exercise.  I LOVE eating.  Those two things combined have only one outcome…morbid obesity. 

I keep thinking if I could reduce some of the stresses in my life, then maybe I could find a way to motivate myself.  The question is how.  I wish I had answers.  All I have right now is questions.

Good luck to those of you in your own battles with stress, depression, and getting healthy.  If you find something that works send it my way.  God knows I could use some help!!

Renaissance

I did something new this weekend that boosted my confidence by ten fold.  I got dressed up and went to a Renaissance Festival in Muskogee, Oklahoma.  There were more beautiful men there than I knew existed in Oklahoma and they were sporting kilts, leggings, and/or pirate garb.  Not only did they look scrumptious, they also told me how beautiful I looked.  My size didn’t matter.  My smile and my laugh did.  Being called “M’ lady” all day was pretty amazing, too.  

For almost seven hours I walked around with my kids enjoying the sights, sounds, and smells of the Renaissance Era.  The only time we sat down was to take a carriage ride and watch the jousting. Otherwise, we were moving.  By the end of the day my feet hurt and my legs were sore, but I had a permanent smile plastered on my face.

Who knew all I needed to feel good about myself again was some positive male attention from men who are complete strangers?!  It makes me want to get back on the diet/exercise horse and ride to a healthier size.  I forgot how nice it is to be told I’m beautiful by someone not related to me.  It’s been a long time.

Here I am with my son.  He, my daughter, and one of her friends dressed up, too.  We had sooooo much fun!!

Everyday Changes

One thing that has always bothered me about Jillian's 30 Day Shred is where she says how just taking the stairs isn't enough to change your body.  That might be true for drastic changes, but taking the stairs instead of the elevator is a great way to add cardio into your everyday routines.  Another great way is to park farther from the door at the grocery store than you normally would.  It might not bring about fast results, but it will definitely make a difference in the long term where health is concerned.

I think I've been taking that for granted.  The everyday changes that will benefit my health.  Am I only losing a pound per week?  Yes.  Is it depressing?  Yes.  However, I'm not doing what's necessary for quick results.  I'm doing what's necessary to improve my overall health for the long term.  It's important to keep that in mind.

So, I'm going to take the stairs.  I'm going to park farther away from the grocery store doors.  I'm going to walk to pick my daughter up from school anytime I can.  I'm going to ride bikes with my kids for fun.  I'm going to make changes to improve my long term health instead of worrying over my one pound per week.

Wish me luck!

Failure

"Failure is not an option."  It's a phrase most people have heard, usually a line in a movie.  The real world, though, is full of failures.  In fact, most people measure their lives by their failures instead of their successes without even realizing it.  It's the "grass is always greener" concept.  People look at what they don't have and what they haven't accomplished instead of what they do have and what they have accomplished.  There's a reason envy is one of the 7 deadly sins.  It prevents people from truly living their lives. 

Lately, everything I've been doing has been eating at me.  I've been losing a pound a week.  I work my butt off for one lousy pound.  My aunt tries to rationalize to me that in a year that's 52 pounds.  A year?!  That would mean I would have worked my tail off for a year and would have barely made a dent in my weight.  Hmmm... is it worth it? 

I hate exercise.  I really do.  I honestly thought it would get easier to force myself out of bed in the mornings, but it hasn't.  If anything it's getting harder.  Plus, if I miss a day because I have to go in early to work or I turn my alarm off instead of hitting my snooze, then I have such a guilt complex I can hardly function.  That's not healthy.  Is it worth it? 

I've been sending my aunt what I eat each day because she has an app on her phone that tracks calories.  At the end of the day she sends me my grand totals.  All day I think about food...what should I eat...what shouldn't I.  If I eat something that isn't healthy I feel sick.  The feeling isn't from indigestion.  It's from guilt.  A bone crushing kind of guilt.  Is it worth it? 

Before I started I might not have really cared all that much about how I looked in the mirror.  Now it disgusts me.  Every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded that I'm fat and working my tail off everyday is only going to result in a 1 pound weight loss per week.  It's frustrating and it's depressing.  Is it worth it?  I'm starting to wonder.

Edible Traditions

Chocolate bunnies.  Jelly beans.  Candy corns.  Candy hearts.  Candy canes.  Turkey.  Stuffing.  Ham.  Pumpkin pies.  Pecan pies.  Traditions surrounding food go on and on.  Each holiday seems to have some sort of edible aspect to it.  Americans even have an entire holiday, Thanksgiving, dedicated to eating. 

Easter might technically be a Christian holiday, but Americans celebrate it in the most wonderfully Pagan ways.  Those ways include decorating boiled eggs (later turned into egg salad) and a giant rabbit who brings gifts much like Santa Clause does at Christmastime.  Unlike Santa who only visits good girls and boys, the Easter Bunny brings all sorts of tasty treats to anyone who puts out a basket.  

In my basket this year I received a 1 lbs chocolate bunny, jelly beans, robin eggs, and a new book.  The chocolate bunny alone had 2291 calories.  Yikes!  I know you’re wondering…did I eat the whole bunny.  I did not.  For the last two days I have eaten on it, each time making myself sick.  Today I threw out the last 1/8 of it.  I had to.  Being sick isn’t fun.  As for the jelly beans and robin eggs…I ate the red jelly beans and haven’t opened the carton of robin eggs yet. 

We’ve all read articles and seen on TV how Americans are getting fatter and fatter.  The experts blame it on fast food, lack of exercise, and an entitlement complex.  I wonder if they’ve thought about counting the edible traditions in our country among the culprits.

In the past they’ve been my downfall.  Now it’s just a matter of time to see if I can withstand them in the future.  Wish me luck!

Visitors

Having visitors is a mixed blessing.  I stick to my exercise routine (I might even push myself a little harder than I normally do), but I eat more unhealthy than I normally do. 

It's like because I'm a triple extra medium I order what is expected of me rather than what I know I should eat when we go out to a restaurant.  That's strange.  I've never been a people pleaser.  Never. 

Then I find myself ordering what I would have six months ago and using the excuse "well...I'm already fat" excuse to justify ordering a guacamole burger.  Now, I did order it with the bacon on the side (to give to my daughter) and no mayo, but taking away those calories really doesn't make a dent in the total calories of the burger. 

Oh, well.  Today is a new day.  I got up, got my exercise in, and now I'm going to go get ready for the day.  My parents are here from California and I intend on enjoying having them here.  I'm just going to do it while consuming fewer calories.  :) 

Have a great day, all!

Stiff

Exercise is supposed to make you feel younger not older, right?  If so, why do I feel like an old woman? 

Yesterday I did the two circuits of my workout and it just about killed me.  Jell-o isn't what my body felt like.  Pain.  That's what I felt in every cell of my body.  This morning I woke up and I can barely move.  I'm stiff and I feel like I'm riddled with arthritis. 

Today is payday, so this weekend I'm going to get a new DVD player with a remote and go back to Jillian.  She never hurt me.  She worked my tushie off and made me sore, but I never felt like this.  It's yucky! 

My workout this morning was half of what it normally is.  I tried to do jumping jacks, but I just couldn't.  I did what I could, which wasn't much, and hopefully this weekend I'll recover enough to enjoy my parents' visit from California.  Right now I'm depressed, and I just want to go back to bed and cry.  Hopefully, a hot shower will help. 

Wish me luck!

Sinus Infections and Exercise Don't Mix

I didn't hit my snooze button this morning.  Amazing, right?!  Not really.  My head is so stuffed up I can barely handle the pressure.  There is a little man in my sinuses seeing how big he can blow up his balloon and I just want to pop it!  Sleep was illusive.  I checked the time a million times, used an entire box of tissues, and coughed up stuff to rival people who have been smoking for 30 years.  Gross.  So, when my alarm went off I was already awake.  I though about staying in bed.  However, I couldn't breathe, so lying down equates to choking.  I got up.  I exercised.  The lovely stuff that kept running down my face would have made my mother puke (she can't even talk about snot).  The little man is still there and now my whole body feels like jell-o.  Ugh.  At least I got up and did what I was supposed to.  I'm going to go take some medicine and hop in a hot shower.  Wish me luck.  I need it today.

Morning People

Do you know anyone who can get up at 4AM and greet the day with a smile?  Do they relish the sunrise and awe in the awakening of the rest of the human race?  I'm not one of those people.  I'd rather sleep in as long as possible and wake up with barely enough time to get ready for the day. 

There are three alarms set in my bedroom.  Crazy.  I know.  I have the alarm that goes off to get me up to exercise.  I have the alarm to get me up in time to shower and do my hair should I accidentally turn the first alarm off.  Lastly, I have the alarm to get me up in time to shower and pull my hair up in a pontail should I accidentally turn off the first two alarms. 

I'm addicted to my snooze button, and every once in awhile I turn it off instead of hitting the snooze.  How is that possible?  I use my cell phone as an alarm.  Why?  The sound of a real alarm hurts my teeth like the sound of nails on a chalk board.  Plus, that sound puts me in a bad mood right off the bat.  My phone's alarm sounds like frogs.  It's enough to wake me up and doesn't grate on my nerves first thing in the morning. 

This morning I had turned off my alarm.  Luckily, my aunt texted me to check on me.  I guess she knew it's hard for me to get up and get going on Mondays.  Now I'm sweaty and smiling.  I'm smiling because I didn't have to stop through my whole workout.  That's right!  It's getting easier.  That means I'm going to have to add to it.  Maybe starting tomorrow I'll do it twice.  Jillian does circuits, so I will too.  Shower time!  Have a great day, all.

Half-Asleep and in Need of Motivation

My snooze button was irresistible this morning.  I hit it twice.  Then I remembered my aunt was out there waiting for her text message and that text was to follow a vigorous workout. 

Half-asleep I logged onto launchcast.com and turned on some music.  Half-asleep I got my weights and set them on the coffee table.  Half-asleep I started my jumping jacks.  That woke me up. 

With counting, concentrating on breathing, and keeping myself going I I have little time to actually think during my workouts.  As I did my cool down, though, the Pink song Perfect came on and made me smile.  It made me think about my motivation for exercising and eating better.  I'm not perfect, nor do I want to be.  I like me.  I just want a healthier me.  I forget that.  It's like I conveniently push it from my mind to give myself an excuse not to get up and get my workout in.  I need to remember why I'm doing this.  Suffering now will lead to more time with my children.  Pain now means the quality of my life will improve.  It won't always be this hard...or so my baby sister assures me. 

She and my dad LOVE exercise.  Does that make them nuts?  Maybe.  Or, maybe it means they're in good enough shape that the pain and suffering give them a high.  I want that to be me!!  The desire to cry and puke when I'm done isn't fun.  I just have to keep my eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel! 

Wish me luck!  Have a great day all!

My Aunt's Awesome Idea

My aunt texted me yesterday with an awesome idea...do the workout without Jillian and just listen to music.  She said I should text her when I was done as an added accountability issue.  I might not have Jillian there pushing me on, but I could imagine she was there encouraging me instead. 

It worked. 

Instead of timing myself I counted each exercise.  I did one of Jillian's circuits and counted out what I was doing...30 jumping jacks...50 jump ropes...30 jumping jacks...50 jump rope...15 push-ups (girly style)...30 static lunges with bicep curls...15 push-ups (girly style)...30 static lunges with bicep curls...30 crunches...30 reverse crunches...try not to puke as I do Jillian's cool down which is stretches. 

Now my arms feel like jell-o, my legs burn, and I feel like throwing up.  Did I mention the sweat running down my back and my face?  My whole body is trying to go into melt-down mode.  That's a good sign. 

Tomorrow I'll do the same thing.  Honestly, I almost liked this more than the workout with Jillian.  With this I'm in control.  Maybe once I replace my DVD player I'll trade off doing this and doing the 30 Day Shred. 

Thanks, Aunt Val!!  I love you!

Have a great day, all!

DVD players

Why is it technology doesn't last forever?  Why does it eventually fall apart or need to be upgraded?  My DVD player has been around for almost 10 years.  It's the first one I ever bought.  It's the same size as combo DVD/VHS players are now.  That's the way technology is, though.  Stuff starts off huge and then someone finds a way to minimize the size while maximizing the cool tricks it can do.  My DVD player has been broken since Monday.  Monday I went to do my workout with Jillian and my mammoth sized DVD player decided it no longer wanted to work.  It died.  Crap.  This is the third morning I haven't had Jillian and I feel like a big bloated water buffalo.  My menstrual cycle had deemed it PMS time, too, which doesn't help anything!  Ugh.  Payday isn't until the 15th and I don't have extra money hidden away just in case something in my house bites the dust.  Hmmm...that's probably something I should have.  Any suggestions for how I don't gain all of my weight back until I can get a new DVD player?  Not having my day start with Jillian leads me to eat stuff I shouldn't and be lazier than normal.  Don't ask me why.  I don't have an answer.  If I had to guess, I'd say starting the day sweating, grunting, and sick to my stomach helps keep me from overeating.  :)  Well, I'm off to get ready for work!  Have a great day!

A Rough Night

Last night I ended up with both of my kids in bed with me.  If that wasn't enough, my two-year-old cried on and off all night.  Sleep?  What sleep?  When my alarm went off this morning I wanted to cry.  Instead of cry, I reset it and slept in an extra 45 minutes.  I know I should have got my butt out of bed and done my workout with Jillian, but I was exhausted.  I'll do it tonight after dinner.