Failure

"Failure is not an option."  It's a phrase most people have heard, usually a line in a movie.  The real world, though, is full of failures.  In fact, most people measure their lives by their failures instead of their successes without even realizing it.  It's the "grass is always greener" concept.  People look at what they don't have and what they haven't accomplished instead of what they do have and what they have accomplished.  There's a reason envy is one of the 7 deadly sins.  It prevents people from truly living their lives. 

Lately, everything I've been doing has been eating at me.  I've been losing a pound a week.  I work my butt off for one lousy pound.  My aunt tries to rationalize to me that in a year that's 52 pounds.  A year?!  That would mean I would have worked my tail off for a year and would have barely made a dent in my weight.  Hmmm... is it worth it? 

I hate exercise.  I really do.  I honestly thought it would get easier to force myself out of bed in the mornings, but it hasn't.  If anything it's getting harder.  Plus, if I miss a day because I have to go in early to work or I turn my alarm off instead of hitting my snooze, then I have such a guilt complex I can hardly function.  That's not healthy.  Is it worth it? 

I've been sending my aunt what I eat each day because she has an app on her phone that tracks calories.  At the end of the day she sends me my grand totals.  All day I think about food...what should I eat...what shouldn't I.  If I eat something that isn't healthy I feel sick.  The feeling isn't from indigestion.  It's from guilt.  A bone crushing kind of guilt.  Is it worth it? 

Before I started I might not have really cared all that much about how I looked in the mirror.  Now it disgusts me.  Every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded that I'm fat and working my tail off everyday is only going to result in a 1 pound weight loss per week.  It's frustrating and it's depressing.  Is it worth it?  I'm starting to wonder.