Failure

"Failure is not an option."  It's a phrase most people have heard, usually a line in a movie.  The real world, though, is full of failures.  In fact, most people measure their lives by their failures instead of their successes without even realizing it.  It's the "grass is always greener" concept.  People look at what they don't have and what they haven't accomplished instead of what they do have and what they have accomplished.  There's a reason envy is one of the 7 deadly sins.  It prevents people from truly living their lives. 

Lately, everything I've been doing has been eating at me.  I've been losing a pound a week.  I work my butt off for one lousy pound.  My aunt tries to rationalize to me that in a year that's 52 pounds.  A year?!  That would mean I would have worked my tail off for a year and would have barely made a dent in my weight.  Hmmm... is it worth it? 

I hate exercise.  I really do.  I honestly thought it would get easier to force myself out of bed in the mornings, but it hasn't.  If anything it's getting harder.  Plus, if I miss a day because I have to go in early to work or I turn my alarm off instead of hitting my snooze, then I have such a guilt complex I can hardly function.  That's not healthy.  Is it worth it? 

I've been sending my aunt what I eat each day because she has an app on her phone that tracks calories.  At the end of the day she sends me my grand totals.  All day I think about food...what should I eat...what shouldn't I.  If I eat something that isn't healthy I feel sick.  The feeling isn't from indigestion.  It's from guilt.  A bone crushing kind of guilt.  Is it worth it? 

Before I started I might not have really cared all that much about how I looked in the mirror.  Now it disgusts me.  Every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded that I'm fat and working my tail off everyday is only going to result in a 1 pound weight loss per week.  It's frustrating and it's depressing.  Is it worth it?  I'm starting to wonder.

Edible Traditions

Chocolate bunnies.  Jelly beans.  Candy corns.  Candy hearts.  Candy canes.  Turkey.  Stuffing.  Ham.  Pumpkin pies.  Pecan pies.  Traditions surrounding food go on and on.  Each holiday seems to have some sort of edible aspect to it.  Americans even have an entire holiday, Thanksgiving, dedicated to eating. 

Easter might technically be a Christian holiday, but Americans celebrate it in the most wonderfully Pagan ways.  Those ways include decorating boiled eggs (later turned into egg salad) and a giant rabbit who brings gifts much like Santa Clause does at Christmastime.  Unlike Santa who only visits good girls and boys, the Easter Bunny brings all sorts of tasty treats to anyone who puts out a basket.  

In my basket this year I received a 1 lbs chocolate bunny, jelly beans, robin eggs, and a new book.  The chocolate bunny alone had 2291 calories.  Yikes!  I know you’re wondering…did I eat the whole bunny.  I did not.  For the last two days I have eaten on it, each time making myself sick.  Today I threw out the last 1/8 of it.  I had to.  Being sick isn’t fun.  As for the jelly beans and robin eggs…I ate the red jelly beans and haven’t opened the carton of robin eggs yet. 

We’ve all read articles and seen on TV how Americans are getting fatter and fatter.  The experts blame it on fast food, lack of exercise, and an entitlement complex.  I wonder if they’ve thought about counting the edible traditions in our country among the culprits.

In the past they’ve been my downfall.  Now it’s just a matter of time to see if I can withstand them in the future.  Wish me luck!

Visitors

Having visitors is a mixed blessing.  I stick to my exercise routine (I might even push myself a little harder than I normally do), but I eat more unhealthy than I normally do. 

It's like because I'm a triple extra medium I order what is expected of me rather than what I know I should eat when we go out to a restaurant.  That's strange.  I've never been a people pleaser.  Never. 

Then I find myself ordering what I would have six months ago and using the excuse "well...I'm already fat" excuse to justify ordering a guacamole burger.  Now, I did order it with the bacon on the side (to give to my daughter) and no mayo, but taking away those calories really doesn't make a dent in the total calories of the burger. 

Oh, well.  Today is a new day.  I got up, got my exercise in, and now I'm going to go get ready for the day.  My parents are here from California and I intend on enjoying having them here.  I'm just going to do it while consuming fewer calories.  :) 

Have a great day, all!

Stiff

Exercise is supposed to make you feel younger not older, right?  If so, why do I feel like an old woman? 

Yesterday I did the two circuits of my workout and it just about killed me.  Jell-o isn't what my body felt like.  Pain.  That's what I felt in every cell of my body.  This morning I woke up and I can barely move.  I'm stiff and I feel like I'm riddled with arthritis. 

Today is payday, so this weekend I'm going to get a new DVD player with a remote and go back to Jillian.  She never hurt me.  She worked my tushie off and made me sore, but I never felt like this.  It's yucky! 

My workout this morning was half of what it normally is.  I tried to do jumping jacks, but I just couldn't.  I did what I could, which wasn't much, and hopefully this weekend I'll recover enough to enjoy my parents' visit from California.  Right now I'm depressed, and I just want to go back to bed and cry.  Hopefully, a hot shower will help. 

Wish me luck!

Sinus Infections and Exercise Don't Mix

I didn't hit my snooze button this morning.  Amazing, right?!  Not really.  My head is so stuffed up I can barely handle the pressure.  There is a little man in my sinuses seeing how big he can blow up his balloon and I just want to pop it!  Sleep was illusive.  I checked the time a million times, used an entire box of tissues, and coughed up stuff to rival people who have been smoking for 30 years.  Gross.  So, when my alarm went off I was already awake.  I though about staying in bed.  However, I couldn't breathe, so lying down equates to choking.  I got up.  I exercised.  The lovely stuff that kept running down my face would have made my mother puke (she can't even talk about snot).  The little man is still there and now my whole body feels like jell-o.  Ugh.  At least I got up and did what I was supposed to.  I'm going to go take some medicine and hop in a hot shower.  Wish me luck.  I need it today.

Morning People

Do you know anyone who can get up at 4AM and greet the day with a smile?  Do they relish the sunrise and awe in the awakening of the rest of the human race?  I'm not one of those people.  I'd rather sleep in as long as possible and wake up with barely enough time to get ready for the day. 

There are three alarms set in my bedroom.  Crazy.  I know.  I have the alarm that goes off to get me up to exercise.  I have the alarm to get me up in time to shower and do my hair should I accidentally turn the first alarm off.  Lastly, I have the alarm to get me up in time to shower and pull my hair up in a pontail should I accidentally turn off the first two alarms. 

I'm addicted to my snooze button, and every once in awhile I turn it off instead of hitting the snooze.  How is that possible?  I use my cell phone as an alarm.  Why?  The sound of a real alarm hurts my teeth like the sound of nails on a chalk board.  Plus, that sound puts me in a bad mood right off the bat.  My phone's alarm sounds like frogs.  It's enough to wake me up and doesn't grate on my nerves first thing in the morning. 

This morning I had turned off my alarm.  Luckily, my aunt texted me to check on me.  I guess she knew it's hard for me to get up and get going on Mondays.  Now I'm sweaty and smiling.  I'm smiling because I didn't have to stop through my whole workout.  That's right!  It's getting easier.  That means I'm going to have to add to it.  Maybe starting tomorrow I'll do it twice.  Jillian does circuits, so I will too.  Shower time!  Have a great day, all.

Half-Asleep and in Need of Motivation

My snooze button was irresistible this morning.  I hit it twice.  Then I remembered my aunt was out there waiting for her text message and that text was to follow a vigorous workout. 

Half-asleep I logged onto launchcast.com and turned on some music.  Half-asleep I got my weights and set them on the coffee table.  Half-asleep I started my jumping jacks.  That woke me up. 

With counting, concentrating on breathing, and keeping myself going I I have little time to actually think during my workouts.  As I did my cool down, though, the Pink song Perfect came on and made me smile.  It made me think about my motivation for exercising and eating better.  I'm not perfect, nor do I want to be.  I like me.  I just want a healthier me.  I forget that.  It's like I conveniently push it from my mind to give myself an excuse not to get up and get my workout in.  I need to remember why I'm doing this.  Suffering now will lead to more time with my children.  Pain now means the quality of my life will improve.  It won't always be this hard...or so my baby sister assures me. 

She and my dad LOVE exercise.  Does that make them nuts?  Maybe.  Or, maybe it means they're in good enough shape that the pain and suffering give them a high.  I want that to be me!!  The desire to cry and puke when I'm done isn't fun.  I just have to keep my eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel! 

Wish me luck!  Have a great day all!

My Aunt's Awesome Idea

My aunt texted me yesterday with an awesome idea...do the workout without Jillian and just listen to music.  She said I should text her when I was done as an added accountability issue.  I might not have Jillian there pushing me on, but I could imagine she was there encouraging me instead. 

It worked. 

Instead of timing myself I counted each exercise.  I did one of Jillian's circuits and counted out what I was doing...30 jumping jacks...50 jump ropes...30 jumping jacks...50 jump rope...15 push-ups (girly style)...30 static lunges with bicep curls...15 push-ups (girly style)...30 static lunges with bicep curls...30 crunches...30 reverse crunches...try not to puke as I do Jillian's cool down which is stretches. 

Now my arms feel like jell-o, my legs burn, and I feel like throwing up.  Did I mention the sweat running down my back and my face?  My whole body is trying to go into melt-down mode.  That's a good sign. 

Tomorrow I'll do the same thing.  Honestly, I almost liked this more than the workout with Jillian.  With this I'm in control.  Maybe once I replace my DVD player I'll trade off doing this and doing the 30 Day Shred. 

Thanks, Aunt Val!!  I love you!

Have a great day, all!

DVD players

Why is it technology doesn't last forever?  Why does it eventually fall apart or need to be upgraded?  My DVD player has been around for almost 10 years.  It's the first one I ever bought.  It's the same size as combo DVD/VHS players are now.  That's the way technology is, though.  Stuff starts off huge and then someone finds a way to minimize the size while maximizing the cool tricks it can do.  My DVD player has been broken since Monday.  Monday I went to do my workout with Jillian and my mammoth sized DVD player decided it no longer wanted to work.  It died.  Crap.  This is the third morning I haven't had Jillian and I feel like a big bloated water buffalo.  My menstrual cycle had deemed it PMS time, too, which doesn't help anything!  Ugh.  Payday isn't until the 15th and I don't have extra money hidden away just in case something in my house bites the dust.  Hmmm...that's probably something I should have.  Any suggestions for how I don't gain all of my weight back until I can get a new DVD player?  Not having my day start with Jillian leads me to eat stuff I shouldn't and be lazier than normal.  Don't ask me why.  I don't have an answer.  If I had to guess, I'd say starting the day sweating, grunting, and sick to my stomach helps keep me from overeating.  :)  Well, I'm off to get ready for work!  Have a great day!