A Rough Night

Last night I ended up with both of my kids in bed with me.  If that wasn't enough, my two-year-old cried on and off all night.  Sleep?  What sleep?  When my alarm went off this morning I wanted to cry.  Instead of cry, I reset it and slept in an extra 45 minutes.  I know I should have got my butt out of bed and done my workout with Jillian, but I was exhausted.  I'll do it tonight after dinner.

Safety Net

Have you ever noticed how on The Biggest Loser there always seems to be some emotional breakthrough for the contestants?  I never understood how being overweight could be anything but an over active fork and a lack of exercise.  After all, that's what led me to become a fatty.  Right?  After a talk with my baby sister I'm beginning to question what role my weight plays in my life. 

My weight keeps me from doing a lot of things.  One of those things is dating.  I use my "giggly parts" as an excuse for why I don't date.  Who could ever want to be with someone as fat as I am?  My weight is a safety net.  As long as I'm obese I don't have to put myself out there.  I don't have to risk being hurt.  I've been single for fourteen years.  For those of you keeping up with my blog, that's four years longer than I've had children.  My children are also close to eight years apart.  Why?  It took my that long to lose most of the 100 pounds I put on with my first pregnancy.  Once I lost the weight I became more confident and was able to put myself back out in the dating world.

It's not that I'm not confident now.  I am.  I am confident in my intelligence.  I am confident in my abilities as a teacher.  I am confident in my parenting skills.  I am not confident in my appearance when I look at myself naked in the mirror.  Honestly, when I look it doesn't seem real.  It's like some bad dream where I'm stuck in a fat suit made of cottage cheese and jell-o.

Each time I have lost my weight I've let myself open up and been burned.  As long as I'm fat I don't have to worry about it.  With the loss of my excess body fat comes the loss my safety net.  The thing is... I'm ready.  Up until this point I haven't been.  The idea of sharing my life with someone scared the begezus out of me.  It still does.  I'm willing to face that fear now.  The first thing I have to do before I can let my walls down is lose some weight.  I need to like what I see standing naked in front of a full length mirror.  That's where Jillian comes in.  She's going to kick my butt until I get there.

Being overweight is so much more than excess body fat.  It really does contain a lot of emotional baggage.  I'm learning to deal with mine.  Wish me luck!

Not Alone

My baby sister is here from California!!  I'm so excited!  What's even more exciting is she's doing my workouts with me.  She's in a lot better shape than I am and literally half my size at 5'3" and 130 pounds.  During our workout with Jillian, she was sweating and panting right along with me.  It's nice to see I'm not the only one dying.  :)  Granted, she did the advanced moves in level one and I did the beginner moves, but they were all still level one.  Chances are, though, she could have easily done level 3 whereas I'd be rushed to the hospital if I tried it!  Do you want to hear something cool?  She's decided to get Jillian's 30 Day Shred to do when she gets home.  Then we're going to move up to level 2 together in two months.  We're also setting goals for the next time she comes.  Mine is to be under 200 pounds.  She'll be back in August so that gives me almost 5 months to lose 60 pounds.  I can totally do that!  That's 12 pounds per month.  Totally doable.  I can't wait until tomorrow...we're going rollerskating!  Wish me luck!

Mondays

Weight: 258

Weight Lost this week: 2 pounds

Total Lost: 14 pounds

The thing about Mondays is they're the start of a week of work when I've just come off two lazy days.  Mondays not only represent going back to work at my job, but they also represent going back to work on my body.  Let me just say this...yuck!  I like sleeping in.  I like watching movies that don't require physical involvement.  On Mondays I have to get up early.  On Mondays I have to physically participate with Jillian's 30 Day Shred.  Boo for Mondays.

I did get up, though.  I did work out.  Now I'm going to go take a hot shower before I get ready for work and hope the desire to throw up goes away.  You know what's almost funny?  I actually thought since I did so much yard and house work (I mean, I sweated a lot) this weekend today wouldn't be so bad.  Ha ha ha.  Jokes on me!  The exercise still kicked my butt!!

Yard Work

Move over Jillian my lawn mower is giving you a run for your money!!  After a day full of yard work I can barely feel parts of my body.  With Jillian I have a 20 minute workout.  It's intense, but after 20 minutes it's done.  Yard work is less intense, but it's for an extended period of time.  I raked, mowed, and dug out two dead bushes.  Why do limbs turn to rubber?  What if I need my arms later?  Ugh.  At least I did some sweating today.  That might help offset the cookies I ate. 

I'm telling you, being on Spring Break has been a killer.  I'm scared to get on the scale on Monday.  It's going to groan when I step on it!!  No worries.  Monday starts a new week, and I'm going to get back on track.  I have been drinking my water and taking my vitamins.  That's a plus.  :) 

Tomorrow I have more yard work.  Is it sad I'm hoping for rain so I have an excuse not to do it?

Have a great weekend, all!

A Busy Day

Things are not going well for my exercise regiment.  I can't seem to drag myself out of bed when my alarm goes off and my kids aren't getting up until 10 AM.  That's mostly because of the time change.  So, once I'm up it's already a good way through the day, so I don't do my workout with Jillian and instead get started on my To-Do List.  I'm busy busy busy from the time I get up until dinner.  By then I'm pooped and can't motivate myself to workout either.  I told my daughter if it's nice tomorrow we'll go bike riding.  She's excited about that.  I'm hoping once I get going I'll be ok.

Eating is going pretty good.  I had some leftover frosting on a graham cracker after dinner, but other than that there has been no snacking.  Staying busy helped.  I stopped long enough to make my kids and myself lunch and eat.  Other than that, I didn't really eat during the day.  There's so much to do around the house!  The house is done now, so tomorrow I'm going to start on the garage.  I need my days to stay busy so I don't start raiding the refrigerator.  It's nice getting to spend so much time with my kids because we're on Spring Break, but it's hard to stay focused where changing my life in concerned.  It's easier to be healthy when there is structure.  Well, have a great week!

Spring Break

Weight:  260 lbs
Lost this week: 4 lbs
Total:  12 lbs

Last week went pretty good.  I exercised everyday which wasn't easy especially since my son had mouth surgery on Friday.  Sunday was a naughty day.  I took my kids to see Tangled at the dollar theater and we had buttered popcorn, soda, and candy.  We all split a large popcorn and it wasn't even half gone at the end of the movie.  In the past we would have brought it home and munched on it throughout the day, but instead we tossed it when we left.  The less temptation I have in the house the better off I am.  I didn't drink as much water as I should have, so that's something I'll need to improve on this week. 

This coming week is Spring Break, so life isn't as scheduled as it normally is.  I do better when there's structure.  It keeps me from overeating and gives me a set time to exercise.  I'm hoping by doing my workout when I first get up I'll be ok.  Plus, if I keep busy working on projects the snacking will be kept to a minimum.  Hopefully, the weather will be decent and my kids and I can go bike riding.  That will be fun exercise for everyone!  Yesterday there were showers and thunderstorms, but tomorrow it's supposed to clear up.  We'll see.

I can tell you the workouts haven't gotten easier.  Jillian says that those on day 5 should start feeling an increase in endurance, but the only thing I feel is an increase in the effort it takes me to lift my arms.  My aunt told me it takes 21 days for something to become a habit.  Do you think that includes activities you force yourself to do?  I hope so.  It would be nice to have exercise be a habit instead of a torture I subject myself to.  Well, wish me luck and have a great week!!

Snooze

I haven't decided if the snooze button is the best or worst invention ever.  I thought it was great before I started working out in the mornings.  Now, it's just one more temptation I have to deal with.  What the heck?!  Isn't it enough I have to steer clear of all the delicious snack foods?  Nope.  Now I have to force myself out of bed when I really want to sleep.  That's ok.  I did it this morning.  There was actually an internal argument over sleeping in.  I was trying to rationalize how long I really needed to get ready in the morning!  In the end I got up and worked out.  It wasn't fun.  I wished I had stayed in bed the whole time.  The point is...I did it.  Even though I didn't want to; I did it.  Hopefully it will get easier.  Not just the actual exercising but the eating right and getting up in the mornings.  Jillian used to be a fatty, didn't she?  Now she's the queen of good health.  I'm not saying I'm anything like her, but maybe knowing she hasn't always been fit will help me get through this.  Now I'm off to shower and try not to notice I can't feel any of my limbs.  Wish me luck!

Nauseous in the Morning

I decided to switch my workouts to the morning.  The evenings were just not working out.  My kids and I have so much going on all of the time, and trying to make sure we were at home and I was ready to workout at 7 PM was just a pain.  In the mornings all I have to do is not hit my snooze button 3 or 4 times.  This is actually a lot harder than it sounds.  I am not a morning person.  My alarm is set for 30 minutes before I actually want to get up for a reason.  However, this morning I got up when my alarm went off.  *pat myself on the back* Knowing my aunt was keeping tabs on me from across the country helped a lot, too.  So, I did my workout with Jillian.  It was harder than the first day!  Who knew that taking a break would reset my body?  Ugh.  Plus, now I’m nauseous.  Hopefully, that will wear off during the day.  My shower helped a little bit.  Whoever said working out in the morning was the best time to workout obviously wasn’t a fatty!!  Well, I’m off to get my kids ready for school.  Wish me luck!

Restart

Last week I didn't do so well with my getting healthy plan.  I didn't eat right nor did I exercise.  I was naughty and if the real Jillian were here she'd kick my a$$.  Unfortunately, she's not here.  I have to rely on myself.  I did get on the scale this morning.  I got lucky.  It read 264.  At least I didn't put on a whole bunch of weight.  Now it's time for me to get back on the horse and start again.  I can do this.