Portion Sizes

Did you know that a cereal bowl will actually hold almost 3 servings of Special K?  It will.  When my weight loss is going well I measure everything.  Lately, I haven't been.  As I filled my cereal bowl I realized I was actually getting a lot more than when I measure it out, so I decided to measure exactly how much more I was getting.  It turned out I was getting A LOT more.  In fact, I was getting almost three times more.  Wow!  Plus, because I'm not measuring my milk, I'm getting more milk, and I usually refill my bowl with enough cereal to use up all of my milk, too.  Who wants to waste milk, right? 

Serving sizes are all bigger now than they used to be.  That's true in restaurants as well as fast food places.  It's no wonder Americans are such chunk-a-monks.  We be hungry!!  Plus, if they give us all that food it would be rude not to eat it all.

The excuses we give ourselves for why we do things is amazing to me.  One of my favorites is how Marilyn Monroe was a size 14, so big women have always been sexy.  HELLO!!  Sizes have changed over the years.  A size 14 in her day would be closer to a size 7 today.  She was far from being a "big" woman.  She was curvy, yes, but she wasn't big. 

That's what I want to be...a curvy size 7 or 10.  I would definitely be happy a curvy size 10.

Maybe I should try out for the Biggest Loser on NBC.  Having a trainer push me and a $250,000 prize dangled in front of me might be the motivation I need to finally achieve my goals.  Hmmm...

The Battle Continues

During a war the wisdom of a military's leaders, the perseverance of the troops, and luck all play into who comes out victorious at the end of each battle.  The battle of the bulge is no different.  Each day is a battle, and each one is fought against ourselves. 

In the beginning, I was pretty even kiltered.  I won some and I lost some.  Recently, I have lost more than I have won.  In order to change the outcome I need to restrategize.  The wisdom I have.  Eating healthy and within a certain given calorie intake is a must.  Exercising vigorously at least 20 minutes everyday is a must.  Knowing is half the battle.  Right?  Wrong.  Knowing is simply preparing for the battle.  The battle begins when the decision is made to get up and do something about my weight. 

For the last couple of weeks I haven't even bothered.  I've simply ignored my body's protests to being so heavy.  Now, I need to make the first steps back into getting healthy.  Every night I worry I'll die of a heart attack in my sleep and my kids will wake up to a dead mommy.  That is my worst fear.  To conquer it I need to wage war with myself.  I need to be the woman I know I can.  So...the strategy...I don't have one yet, but I'm working on it.  I'll let you know once I have any idea how to lose the weight.  What I've done so far obviously hasn't worked, so I need something else.  Hmmm...any ideas?

Bike Riding in the Rain

Bike riding is one of the few physical activities I actually enjoy.  It's a little more of a challenge here, in Oklahoma, because there are A LOT of hills whereas in California the areas I rode were mostly flat.  Still, both of my kids love it.  My two year old son loves getting on his "hat" (helmet) to ride his "bike-cycle."  He actually sits in a seat on the back of my bike, but he refers to it as his.  That's fine by me.

Today my daughter and her friend asked if we could ride bikes to the park and play.  I figured why not, so we helmeted up and headed out.  Once we were on the road I had serious doubts if I could make it or not.  The hills seemed a lot steeper than the last time we rode.  Then again, the last time we rode that far was over six months ago and I was thirty pounds lighter.  It's amazing how much difference 30 pounds can make!!  I did make it.  Yay me!

No sooner did we get off our bikes and head to the swings than the sky darkened up and the heavens let loose with gumball sized rain drops.  We were all laughing as we got back on our bikes and headed home.  The rain was a powerful motivator when it comes to speed.  The trip home took a lot less time than the trip there.  Plus, we were laughing the whole way getting soaked!  Now, we're enjoying some hot chocolate while we play Blokus (if you've never played it is a must have).

Bike riding in the rain made me realize something.  I don't hate all exercise.  It's only exercise I view as a workout I detest.  Hmmm...I wonder if it's possible to lose weight and enjoy doing it?

Looking Greasy: A Fat Person's Image

Baby powder is my best friend.  After I shower I put it in every crevice I can think of.  I do the same thing anytime I get dressed.  It's not that I want to smell like powder.  It's that I don't want to smell like a fat person.  Yes, fat has a smell.  I'm sure each one of us at some point has been in close proximity to someone grossly overweight who smells fat.  The smell is unique, a blend of grease, dirty hair, and body odor.

The fat smell is a constant battle.  One I’m not about to lose.  My pants might not fit.  My chins might have eaten my neck.  My belly button might no longer be visible.  I might hate all of those things, but they will not be excuses to allow the fat smell to become a part of me.

Another fantastic appearance killer us chunky monkeys have to deal with is the grease effect.  The stuff oozes from our pores.  Many women try to get around it by layering on foundation and face powder.  This can sometimes work.  Other times it backfires and they end up with their make-up caked on top of the grease which makes the grease stand out more.  My forehead, nose, and chin are the grease traps on my face.  During the day I am constantly wiping my face with a paper towel or a Kleenex.  It’s not sweat I’m battling…it’s grease oozing from my pores.  The fatter I get, the nastier it gets.  Before I joined the morbidly obese, I was a sweater.  It’s what I attributed my amazing skin to.  I figured the sweat kept the impurities out of my skin.  Now that my pores drip grease instead of sweat my skin is yucky.  I have constant breakouts and blackheads make regular appearances on my nose.  It’s great!!

My hair is a different story.  Whereas many triple extra medium individuals have grease locks, I usually do not.  I could go three days without washing my hair before it began looking grody.  I know people, though, who can barely make it through the day without having to wash it again.  I don’t know why that is.  Maybe it’s body chemistry.

Whatever the reasons behind the fat smell, the grease ooze, and the nappy hair, it’s imperative as a large woman to do what I can to counteract the effects until I do something about the cause (my excess body fat).

Johnson’s baby powder, Degree for women, and astringent wipes are my weapons in the battle against the stereotypical fat person’s image!!

Stressed vs. Depressed

The Webster’s New World Dictionary 1990 (yes, it’s a printed dictionary instead of an online one…laugh if you want to, but I like using an old school dictionary) provides the following definitions:

stress:  3a) mental or physical tension

depress:  2) to sadden; deject

Using these two definitions it makes sense that if people are under a lot of stress, then that stress will eventually lead to becoming depressed.  I have been suffering from both recently.

Why?  Well, let’s recap my last year.  I moved to Oklahoma.  It was a great decision I don’t regret.  My children are thriving and they are growing up knowing relatives they may never have met otherwise.  I was unable to find a teaching job, so I’ve been substitute teaching.  It’s been a great experience, but I can barely afford to pay my bills.  Plus, today was my last day of work.  I’ve applied to over a dozen places for a summer job, but I have yet to get a call for an interview.  Next school year is also up in the air since I have yet to secure a teaching job.  I’m also lonely.  My daughter has made numerous friends, but I have yet to make one.  Not having anyone near me is hard.  I have my aunts and my grandma, but that’s not the same as having a friend.  I also sold my truck and bought a car.  My truck had some issues, like having to get out the passenger side Dukes of Hazard style, but its engine and air conditioning worked great.  My car is a piece of crap.  I’ve replaced its pulley system, it alternator, and had to fork over a big chunk of money to get the a/c fixed.  It ran fine for about a month.  Now it’s making horrible noises again and the a/c no longer works.  What else?  Oh, yeah, my garbage disposal died tonight while I was cleaning the kitchen.  Fabulous, right?!

Last, but definitely not least…I have put on a good 50 pounds since I moved here.  Yep, fifty pounds in twelve months.

So….the stresses in my life…1) no job for the summer = no way to pay my bills in July or August, 2) no job for next school year = no way to pay my bills starting in September, 3) no friends = crushing loneliness, 4) my car sucks, 5) other little issues that keep popping up like the garbage disposal, and 6) weight gain = none of my clothes fit, I hate looking in the mirror, etc.

Yikes.  That’s a long list.  It’s not as bad as I thought it was, though, and it could be a lot worse, so I guess I shouldn’t get depressed.  The problem is no matter how I rationalize it, depression isn’t always rational.  Little stresses add up quickly.  When I get stressed out I eat.  When I eat a lot I start feeling lousy.  When I start feeling lousy I quit caring about exercising.  Then I gain weight which adds to my stress level.  Pretty soon every little thing piles up to the point I’m in a downward tailspin where I just want to crawl under the covers and ignore the world. 

Unfortunately, I can’t hide.  I have to take care of my children.  They’re the only thing holding me together. 

I need to find a way to battle my boughts of sadness.  I need to find a way to get myself back into the habits that will lead to a healthier me.  It’s hard to do that when I have no motivation whatsoever.  My dad telling me my weight will kill me doesn’t motivate me. My pants not fitting doesn’t motivate me.  I don’t know what would.  I HATE exercise.  I LOVE eating.  Those two things combined have only one outcome…morbid obesity. 

I keep thinking if I could reduce some of the stresses in my life, then maybe I could find a way to motivate myself.  The question is how.  I wish I had answers.  All I have right now is questions.

Good luck to those of you in your own battles with stress, depression, and getting healthy.  If you find something that works send it my way.  God knows I could use some help!!

Renaissance

I did something new this weekend that boosted my confidence by ten fold.  I got dressed up and went to a Renaissance Festival in Muskogee, Oklahoma.  There were more beautiful men there than I knew existed in Oklahoma and they were sporting kilts, leggings, and/or pirate garb.  Not only did they look scrumptious, they also told me how beautiful I looked.  My size didn’t matter.  My smile and my laugh did.  Being called “M’ lady” all day was pretty amazing, too.  

For almost seven hours I walked around with my kids enjoying the sights, sounds, and smells of the Renaissance Era.  The only time we sat down was to take a carriage ride and watch the jousting. Otherwise, we were moving.  By the end of the day my feet hurt and my legs were sore, but I had a permanent smile plastered on my face.

Who knew all I needed to feel good about myself again was some positive male attention from men who are complete strangers?!  It makes me want to get back on the diet/exercise horse and ride to a healthier size.  I forgot how nice it is to be told I’m beautiful by someone not related to me.  It’s been a long time.

Here I am with my son.  He, my daughter, and one of her friends dressed up, too.  We had sooooo much fun!!

Everyday Changes

One thing that has always bothered me about Jillian's 30 Day Shred is where she says how just taking the stairs isn't enough to change your body.  That might be true for drastic changes, but taking the stairs instead of the elevator is a great way to add cardio into your everyday routines.  Another great way is to park farther from the door at the grocery store than you normally would.  It might not bring about fast results, but it will definitely make a difference in the long term where health is concerned.

I think I've been taking that for granted.  The everyday changes that will benefit my health.  Am I only losing a pound per week?  Yes.  Is it depressing?  Yes.  However, I'm not doing what's necessary for quick results.  I'm doing what's necessary to improve my overall health for the long term.  It's important to keep that in mind.

So, I'm going to take the stairs.  I'm going to park farther away from the grocery store doors.  I'm going to walk to pick my daughter up from school anytime I can.  I'm going to ride bikes with my kids for fun.  I'm going to make changes to improve my long term health instead of worrying over my one pound per week.

Wish me luck!